My Struggle Part 1

Throughout High school and college, until I had children, I never really struggled with my weight. I was 5’2” 105-110lbs. In all honesty, looking back now I looked sick. When I started college I got up to around 130-135lbs. Which if I had been toned I would have looked great but still I think I looked pretty good. Today I am around the 225lbs mark.. Which is totally crazy and unacceptable for someone my height that knows what to do.

So here is part my struggle….

After having my oldest son, Cristian, in 2002 9 months to the day after the attacks on 9-11 I had gained close to 70lbs during my pregnancy..  I was miserable. I was waiting tables at Outback steakhouse and they feed me ALL the time. Fast forward 3 years and I had my second son Brody. I don’t remember my weight before I got pregnant or during but I don’t think I ever got below 160 before getting pregnant.

At the end of 2006, November 29^th to be exact, after months of speculation of drug use, I left my husband of almost 5 years. I had more than enough proof of what he was doing and it was no longer safe for me or my kids to be in that environment.  In January 2007 I filed for divorce. It was something that I didn't want to do but I really had to choice. He wouldn't admit to the drug use and I had proof. I started to have a lot of anger and anxiety and the best way I knew how to handle it was to workout. 

That year Alabama started a program, Scale back Alabama, to encourage the people of Alabama to lose weight. I joined with some fellow co-workers and during those 10-12 weeks I got down to the lowest I had in years. I was somewhere around 150-155 when it was over with. How did I do this? I wrote down everything I ate but I was spending too much time in the gym. I would spend in hour on the elliptical and then on 3 of those days I would weight train… No one has time for all that with 2 babies at home, working full time and at that time I was also working on my Master’s in Accounting. I stayed pretty fit that year, but after my divorce was final on December 10 2007 I went right back to my ways and the weight came back on.

What I did have back then was a plan. 

I got tired of the hours I was spending at the gym. I got tired of the meal planning and days of eating the same thing over and over. Yogurt with fruit, turkey and cheese sandwich on low fat bread, turkey patty and spaghetti squash (no more that 1,200 calories a day even when I worked out). I got tired of feeling so empty and not knowing what to do next. I was just tired. 

Another part of my life that had been lacking and still really to this day is was my Relationship with God. Sure I turned to him in my hour of need but did I do it everyday? Did I give him praise in what I had been given? Two beautiful and healthy children. Sure my life was a mess but things happens. We have to have faith all of the time just not when it is convenient to us. I got tired. I got run down by trying to do so much, I got tired by trying to stay busy and keeping my mind of what was really going on. I should have turned to where I needed to be. Just then maybe this struggle I have had for the last 13 years would have not have been so long. 

Matthew 11:28-30New International Version (NIV)

28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”