My Struggle Part 2

In an effort to tell you about myself I have decided to break my story into pieces so that you don;'t have to read this really long post... So here is Part to of My Struggle.

2007 had to be the worse year of my life so far.

I filed for divorce from my husband with 2 babies ( ages 1.5 and 4.5). My Sister (half-sister but the only sibling I had) passed away days before our birthday. We shared the same birthday. She was born very prematurely when I was 8 years old and died just short of her 20th birthday. It was only by God's grace that she was here with us so long, but it still hurt. By the end of 2007 after months of fighting over custody, my ex-husband and I agreed on an custody agreement. Looking back now I wish I would have fought it longer and not backed down from what I really wanted since there was no way he was getting help.

So at the start of 2008, Here I am now. An overweight single mother that at the time was forced to move back in at home with the grandparents who raised me due to my financial situation. My ex-husband and left me with a mountain of debt, I had drained everything I put into my kids savings just to keep the house we had bought midway through 2006 from going into foreclosure and every credit that I had in my name was maxed out. Sure part of it was my fault. I didn't know how to say no and sometimes I just felt like I needed things. We has purchased a new house before we separated and there were things we needed for that house and once I figured out why he was really taking money out of the checking account and removed him from it so we could pay our bills, giving a drug addict a credit card with  a high available balance was not a good idea. I found out the hard way a drug addict will do anything to get money for his fix.

Anyways on to happier day and how to deal with it. Now a single mom on one income with a mountain of debt I was totally lost. I stopped exercising and eating right and the weight came right back on. I tried focusing on my kids, my faith and working to pay off the debt.

That fall my oldest son started kindergarten..  That November I went to a parent night out auction at his school and won (bought) 4 personal training sessions. I went and was hooked... after those 4 were over I signed up for more. Now this wasn't at a gym, but at a place at that was all they did... There I started to find my strength and love for exercise again!!

2009 was going to be a whole new year for me....

My Struggle Part 1

Throughout High school and college, until I had children, I never really struggled with my weight. I was 5’2” 105-110lbs. In all honesty, looking back now I looked sick. When I started college I got up to around 130-135lbs. Which if I had been toned I would have looked great but still I think I looked pretty good. Today I am around the 225lbs mark.. Which is totally crazy and unacceptable for someone my height that knows what to do.

So here is part my struggle….

After having my oldest son, Cristian, in 2002 9 months to the day after the attacks on 9-11 I had gained close to 70lbs during my pregnancy..  I was miserable. I was waiting tables at Outback steakhouse and they feed me ALL the time. Fast forward 3 years and I had my second son Brody. I don’t remember my weight before I got pregnant or during but I don’t think I ever got below 160 before getting pregnant.

At the end of 2006, November 29^th to be exact, after months of speculation of drug use, I left my husband of almost 5 years. I had more than enough proof of what he was doing and it was no longer safe for me or my kids to be in that environment.  In January 2007 I filed for divorce. It was something that I didn't want to do but I really had to choice. He wouldn't admit to the drug use and I had proof. I started to have a lot of anger and anxiety and the best way I knew how to handle it was to workout. 

That year Alabama started a program, Scale back Alabama, to encourage the people of Alabama to lose weight. I joined with some fellow co-workers and during those 10-12 weeks I got down to the lowest I had in years. I was somewhere around 150-155 when it was over with. How did I do this? I wrote down everything I ate but I was spending too much time in the gym. I would spend in hour on the elliptical and then on 3 of those days I would weight train… No one has time for all that with 2 babies at home, working full time and at that time I was also working on my Master’s in Accounting. I stayed pretty fit that year, but after my divorce was final on December 10 2007 I went right back to my ways and the weight came back on.

What I did have back then was a plan. 

I got tired of the hours I was spending at the gym. I got tired of the meal planning and days of eating the same thing over and over. Yogurt with fruit, turkey and cheese sandwich on low fat bread, turkey patty and spaghetti squash (no more that 1,200 calories a day even when I worked out). I got tired of feeling so empty and not knowing what to do next. I was just tired. 

Another part of my life that had been lacking and still really to this day is was my Relationship with God. Sure I turned to him in my hour of need but did I do it everyday? Did I give him praise in what I had been given? Two beautiful and healthy children. Sure my life was a mess but things happens. We have to have faith all of the time just not when it is convenient to us. I got tired. I got run down by trying to do so much, I got tired by trying to stay busy and keeping my mind of what was really going on. I should have turned to where I needed to be. Just then maybe this struggle I have had for the last 13 years would have not have been so long. 

Matthew 11:28-30New International Version (NIV)

28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”